Ground Rules

Last night Ned Yost, head coach of the Milwaukee Brewers (that was for you ladies :-) got ejected from the game in the 4th inning for intensely expressing his feelings to the umpire. As I watched sports highlights on the news with my husband, I heard Ned say to a reporter, "He gave me every opportunity to shut up and I just didn't take it."

I thought to myself, "How many times have I been arguing about something with Gary, and he gave me every opportunity to shut up, and I just didn't take it?"

Sometimes it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut.

One thing that helps in a conflict is to set ground rules with your spouse. Take for example what is known in baseball as a "ground rule double." All the players from both teams, coaches, and most of the fans in the stadium know that when a ball hits the field and then bounces out, or becomes unplayable, the batter goes to second base. Everyone agrees. You never see guys arguing around the mound about whether the guy should have gone to third. The rule never changes. The guy only gets to go to second.

Think about the ground rules in your marriage. And, then think about how sticking to the rules will help the game (or in this analogy, the argument with your spouse). Here are some examples:

1. No one can use the word "divorce" as a threat to win an argument
2. No one can ever resort to name calling
3. Don't talk about the argument with others (friends/family) unless you have your spouse's permission
4. No interrupting
5. No throwing heavy objects aimed at your spouse (ok, you get the idea).

And, be flexible. Ground rules in your marriage may need to be changed. Wikipedia tells me that "originally, all batted balls that cleared the fence after a bounce in fair territory or on a fly were counted as home runs. The rule was changed by the American League prior to the 1930 season, and was subsequently adopted by the National League on December 12, 1930."

So, if the rule isn't working, or doesn't make sense anymore, change it, or add new ones. Simply knowing and agreeing to the rules in advance can keep you from getting tossed from the game.

READ: Ephesians 4:26 In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

QUESTIONS:
1. What are some of your marital ground rules? Which ground rules work? Are there any that need to be changed?
2. How can you and your spouse be accountable to follow the ground rules?
3. What are some practical ways that you can express anger without sinning?
4. Do you interpret this verse literally? Is it ok to go to bed angry?
5. Why do you think the Apostle Paul warns about not giving the devil a foothold. What is it about arguments that can invite evil?