Say Anything

When Gary and I were first dating, I lived with my roommate, Beth, in a four-story brick apartment building on the East Side. On each floor there was a small balcony that overlooked the car-lined street of Summit Avenue. One night Gary called and told me to come outside to my second floor balcony. As I opened the french doors, there he stood-- donned in a trench coat that covered his folded-up jean shorts and t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. The headlights from his Plymouth Laser cast a long shadow of him on the lawn, standing with a boom box over his head and Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" blasting from the speakers.

It was 1997, and Gary was my Lloyd Dobler, the character from the 80s romantic comedy, "Say Anything". Even if you've never seen the movie, it's not hard to imagine that at that point of our dating relationship Gary really could have said anything to me, and vice versa. We would have thought it was the smartest, most clever, and kindest thing any human being could utter. It was a little easier then-- we didn't have a joint checking account to discuss, we didn't have the responsibilities of a house, and socks left on the floor or dirty dishes in the sink were a non-issue (we didn't even have GOOGLE!)

Sometimes now it's not so easy. Maybe when we talk about work, finances, which TV to buy, or household chores, we should plug in his MP3 player and launch the Peter Gabriel play list.

So, how do we continue to build our communication in marriage? Should we really be able to "say anything", or is that just some romantic myth from the movies? What happens when we don't agree, or when the things that we need to talk about are difficult?

Here are some ways we've found that help us to say anything to each other:

1. Be polite. How would you say to a stranger, you boss, or your pastor, what you're about to say to your spouse?
2. Be truthful. Telling the truth doesn't mean yelling the truth.
3. Be quiet. Sometimes we can say what needs to be said without words. St. Francis of Assisi said, "Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary use words". Say what you need to say with a hug, a hand on the shoulder or a encouraging nod.
4. Be in prayer. You can even pray while you're talking to your spouse. Yes, you really *can* do two things at once.
5. Be in Christ. How can you serve your spouse in this conversation? (Ask your spouse: What do you need from me? How can I help?) How can you sacrifice in this conversation? (Ask yourself: Am I trying to win an argument, win the point, or win my spouse?)

READ: COLOSSIANS 3: 8- 17
But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him- a renewal in which there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman, but Christ is all, and in all. So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom and teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

QUESTIONS:

1. What does "saying anything" mean to you? Can we really say anything to each other in Christian marriage? If yes, how should we "say anything"?
2. How do these two statements differ:
a) "I just say whatever is on my mind."
b) "I am free to say anything in my marriage."
3. How does an attitude of thankfulness influence our communication in marriage?
4. Why is it important to let the word of Christ dwell in us? How does this affect what we say to each other?
5. Talk about one verse in the above passage and how you can practically apply it to improve communication in your marriage.