Who am I?

In the middle of a vigouros discussion (ok, it was probably an argument), Gary stopped talking, grabbed his jeans, pulled his driver's license out and held it up for me.

"What's this?" I said.
"Who is this on the license?" he asked.
"What are you talking about?"
"What is the name on the license?" he prodded.
"I don't get it."
"It says Gary Loop. It's me. It's your husband. I'm not someone from your past. You're not in trouble. It's me."

We were having an argument because I misunderstood what he was saying. I don't even remember what we were talking about. But, I recall thinking that he was acting like someone from my past that I didn't like very much. Once I began operating on this faulty assumption, I wrongly assigned motives to Gary, and concluded that he was trying to intentionally hurt me. It became very easy for me to tune out what he was saying to me, to stop listening to him, and to completely misunderstand our entire conversation.

Have you ever been misunderstood? Have you ever had an argument with your spouse over something that you both later discovered was a misunderstanding? Did you say things like, "I didn't mean it that way", or "You took it the wrong way!"

One of the reasons we are prone to misunderstand our spouse is because we often jump to conclusions, assign motives, ignore the context in which something is said, or filter what we hear through our individual backgrounds and previous experiences.

Here are some things to do to avoid misunderstandings:
1. Get clarification: "What I think I heard you say is...Is that right?"
2. Paraphrase what you heard: "When you said XYZ, did you mean...?"
3. Discover intentions: "Help me understand what you were thinking when you said..."

Asking questions can often help when you find yourself having a "vigorous discussion" over something you know is really a misunderstanding. You may even try Gary's little trick, and pull out your driver's license! Find your own unique and special ways to remind your spouse that you love them, and that you want what is best for them, and that her/his well-being is more important to you than being "properly understood."

READ: Mark 8:27-29 Jesus went out, along with his disciples, to the villages of Caesarea Philippi; and on the way He questioned His disciples, saying to them, "Who do people say that I am?" They told Him, saying, "John the Baptist; and others say Elijah; but others, one of the prophets." And He continued by questioning them, "But who do you say that I am?" Peter answered and said to Him, "You are the Christ."

Questions:
1. Why do you think some of the people misunderstood Jesus' identity? Has something like this ever happened to you?

2. What role does a "mistaken identity" play in misunderstandings? Do you ever think your spouse is acting like someone else?

3. Describe the last misunderstanding you had with your spouse. Did it have anything to do with assigning the wrong motives?

4. What is so important about Peter's declaration? Who do you say that Jesus is?

5. Who do you say that your spouse is? Describe what this means.